I have the place to myself this evening. It’s such a rare occurrence. As much as I love my partner, I do miss my alone time.
But as I sit here alone, in my thoughts…I find that it’s her that my mind takes me to.
It’s a new revelation for me really.
Just like any new love, I couldn’t spend enough time with her. I would anxiously count down the days, the hours until I would see her again.
The beginning. It’s craziness!
Surviving on little or no sleep. Staying up all night talking, exploring each other…and feeling so amazing in the morning. Never mind the mind blowing sex.
After awhile…after time takes over and the relationship matures…things change.
Most times, people reflect and analyze and wonder…they wonder if this is what they signed up for.
Those endless nights of talking and lovemaking become random memories….you wonder how you ever did it. Suddenly you prefer a good nights’ sleep over mind blowing sex. You contemplate whether you really want to make the effort to shave your legs for some of that aforementioned sex.
Suddenly where there used to be hours of talking, is the urge for quiet.
Suddenly real life gets in the way. And that is where the test lies.
Am I complaining???
No…not at all.
It’s easy to survive the beginning. Anyone can do it. Anything that is new…is exciting and scary all in the same breath.
Surviving for the long haul? That’s a whole other story.
I’m on a whole other level of love and emotional commitment.
My partner knows, without me ever having to say a word if I need a hug, if I need some time to be alone in my thoughts. She knows when to pull me close and when to let me be. She knows the little things that set my heart on fire. She knows ME, and loves me more…loves me anyways.
The “mind blowing” sex. Well it still blows my mind, but on a whole different level. There is passion in her fingertips, in her touch…that only years of loving someone so deeply can give you. Primal, animalistic sex becomes rhythmic and hypnotic. A serenade that only the two of us know. The act of sexual desire becomes the act of love..of oneness. Where there once was the uncertainty of what would be the day after…is the certainty that tomorrow she will be there, wanting to love me all over again.
I not only have her body, but I have her heart.
I have her heart.
And once the day is done and I go to sleep…there is no other feeling in the world I would ever choose than having her beside me in bed, pulling me close, our bodies fitting together…as if they were born to fit that way.
No…I wouldn’t trade that for the world.
The beginning was amazing. The beginning was real and raw and intense. It was where we started.
Where we are now, took a lot of emotional work, a lot of patience and a lot of love. And we are no where near the end.
We have evolved, matured…morphed into who we are together…and who we are together is beautiful.
It is different than the beginning…
It is deeper and more soulful and more concrete.
And so I sit here on a Friday night, missing her. Wanting to be in her company…wanting to share my time with her…that time I once believed to be so personally sacred…I want to spend with her.
I miss her.
The beginning is long gone, but I’m not so sure I mourn the loss.
Give me this…what I have now…
Give me this love that others only dream of…
She was worth the wait…and I finally believe, so was I.
